We all remember what happened 10 years ago today and i assume whoever is reading this can recall everything as sharply as i do. It’s funny, the day it happened, i don’t remember anything up until the moment I found out. All i remember is being called to the office shortly after church and being annoyed because I hated the people in the office. Well Mrs. Roarke was at the office and i asked, in a joking manner, how much trouble i was in and she acted all nonchalantly as if nothing was the matter. She led me into the pricipal’s office and when the door opened i stopped dead in my tracks and i remember feeling angry at Mrs. Roarke for acting if nothing bad had happened, still am.

Mom, in tears, was in the office along with the principal and the fire marshall. after they told me what happened we went to the other school systems and told chris, emily, and tony. if i said the next few days were tough, it would sound as if i believed that the last ten years were not. there was a lot of pain in the first few days, i started listening to his type of music in order to keep the memory still fresh. i remember thinking about the last time i saw him and i didnt say goodbye or i love you, instead i was asking for something, like all teenagers do.

If my life were a comic book series or a television show, i would call the rest of high school non-canon, meaning that it has no syncronisation with the other parts of my life. Say a tv show has been canceled and they make a movie based on the same characters and environment. the movie has no connection to the storyline from the tv show, but it brings everybody back for one more, different adventure. that is how i like to describe my last 3 years of high school; it does not coincide with the other years.

the following 3 years were insufferable; not only did i have to deal with having no connection with anybody i went to school with and was often ostracised by them, but i had to deal with all my guilt, rage, and sadness. i tried making friends with the wrong people and that ended up badly, namely a car wreck and being put under arrest for shoplifting. i was smoking and drinking by the time i was in grade 11 and hangning out with idiots, none of whom i care about. all throughout school i slowly caught onto how i was neglected by people i wanted to call friends, but they just wanted a pincushion. it was kind of like a snowball rolling down a snowy hill, slowly getting bigger the further it went down the hill. i had it figured out before too long and stopped associating myself with people like that.

during my senior year a certain Jason Bitticks ran off with dad’s Gibson ES-355, which was one of the the only things left of my memory of dad. i hate him, still do, and i am afraid of what were to happen if i ever saw him. Him taking my guitar was like losing dad all over again and i am just so hateful about the whole thing. he didnt just take that guitar, he took something else from me that can probably never come back. he took my faith in humanity, and part of my sanity, both of which may never come back.

Those were two defining moments of high school, the other happened at the end of my senior year. i decided to join the air force, a decision that was pretty crazy, but pretty smart at the same time. i needed a break from school, but also i needed to prove something to myself, and also wanted to make dad proud of me. i want to say that i really enjoyed my experience in the military, but that would only be half true. i loved the money and i loved hanging out with a bunch of cool people, but i hated a lot of the people i worked for.

another defining moment in my life is when i got sick, which happened almost 3 years ago. i went to alaska for a temporary detachment, kind of like a deployment to a non combat area. alaska was freezing cold and during the trip, some of my cold weather gear was stolen. all i had was a jacket that i was not issued, but had to buy myself and sure enough, i got sick. everybody got sick on that trip, but it is safe to say that i got the honor of being the one person who had to be hospitalized for 3 weeks with pnemonia.

That was one of the most painfful experiences of my life and it would only half remain in my memory due to all of the morphine. that moment aided in my decision to not re-enlist in the air force due to how i was told to get back to work and getting laughed at when i said i felt like i was dying. i keep thinking about what would have happened if i had told the doctor i didnt want rescusitation, not only to my family, but to the person who kept telling my to get back to work. how would they havfe lived with that? the poor medical care and those people i worked for are some of the major reasons i got out of the air force, something i do not regret one bit.

So here i am, i got out of the air force and i joined the “family business,” or Wal-Mart, as it is normally called. ten years have gone by and i am thinking of the past ten years wondering where the hell the time went. how did i suddenly become 25? out of the ten years, the six in the air force went by very fast and helped me define who i am. it made me realize that i cant blame myself for something that wasnt my fault. i also learned a little discipline and respect for other people and their property. i learned that i am a good person, no matter how many times i tell myself otherwise.

Over the past ten years, one of the variables so to speak, was religion or lack thereof. i slowly stopped believing in a lot of things all at once, and i slowly stopped going to communion when i had to go to church for some reason or other. by the time i was at my first base i had pretty much decided that i am halfway between atheism and agnosticism. losing my religion was pretty much hand in hand with losing faith in human kindness, hardly any proof of it these days.

I also keep asking myself questions, such as How have i changed over the last ten years? or Have i become a better person? maybe even Did i make you proud, Dad? lately i have been going through a lot of questions to myself and coming up with answers to them that are either non-existent or insufficient. something my old room mate said to me keeps echoing in my brain; he told his girlfriend that i was a bad person and would die alone. he said that in front of everyone we worked with, unprovoked. i was angry at him, sure but mostly confused as how i am interpreted as a bad person for not helping his girlfriend move the couch; he should have helped her, not me. but i keep asking myself if maybe he was right.

then again, that same guy never repaid me for the deposit on the house we were living in, so in all reality his opinion is moot. that being said i have some hope for myself; hope that i can find somebody out there who will accept the fact that a genuine smile from me is about as rare as seeing a real Sasquatch, or that one day i can forgive myself for the things i have done. maybe one day i will over come my fear of getting close to people and maybe talk to a woman with confidence in myself. when that day comes i will be fairly sure that i have atoned for everything that i have done to everybody, including dad.

i’ve done a lot of thinking over the years and i still believe that when i die i will be with everyone i love and dad will be there and i can tell him i love him like i should have the last time i saw him. i think i have been through a lot over the past few years, but in all honesty there’s even more tragedy sure to occur before i die. the way i see it, i should just sit back and enjoy life while there is time to enjoy it. i try no to dwell on the little things anymore and just live my life the way i see fit. i would like to say that i am completely happy right now, but that would be a lie and that’s not what im about. i will say though, that i still have a sense of humor. anyway i heard the ‘get off the stage’ music playing, so i better end this.

tl’dr: dickbutt

Hopefully all of you four followers i have, or maybe three… have read Watchmen, a graphic novel written by a genius name Alan Moore. it is the best graphic novel i have ever read, and one of my favorite books, to include regular novels such as Pet Semetary and The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Alan Moore wrote other gems such as V for Vendetta and From Hell; he also did League of Extraordinary Gentlemen and Constantine, as well as writing the graphic novel Batman: the killing joke. for those of you unfamiliar with Alan Moore, he is somewhat of a hermit, going deeper and deeper into the state after being horrified by movies made based on his works. He was horrified after the making of league of extraordinary gentlemen, which apparently differed very greatly from the source material, as well as the movie from hell, which differed in many ways as well. therefore, he decided from then on to take no credit form other movies based on his works, to include V for Vendetta (which was very different from the book as well) and Watchmen (the only difference of which was the ending, which made sense to most people that could not understand the graphic novel’s ending). all of that being said, a new series is coming out which is somewhat of a prequel to the original Watchmen novel. it has nothing to do with Alan Moore, but was given a blessing by the illustrator David Gibbons. After hearing of this, Moore was of course flabbergasted, another of his works being mutilated. part of me wants to read the new comics coming out, but the part of me that is faithful to Alan Moore for creating great comics is adamant to read them. to me it is kind of like making a sequel to Pet Semetary, which never happened, thank god… oh wait… i guess i will wiat until they are all released and decide then, but i was fairly satisfied with the story that was told in the original graphic novel, to read these new stories would be an insult to the man that wrote the book. as of right now though, i have no plans to read them. the only thing i do plan on doing is finding one of my two copies of Watchmen and reading the shit out of it. end 

This blog is about a book i’ve been reading and the movies its based on, as well as a new story i have been working on the past few weeks. you’ll have to forgive me for the grammar mistakes i will surely make during my blog, so for all you… 4… grammar nazis out there, fuck off. the book i have been reading the past couple of days is the first entry in a very awesome trilogy by author Stieg Larsson (deceased). The Book is called The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo (in Sweden it is called Men Who Hate Women) and it is the first of 3 books that surely would have been more than just a trilogy if not for the untimely death of Mr. Larsson. I have seen both movies, Swedish and American, and they are both unique in their own ways. So far i am a little over halfway through the book and it seems to be a mix of both movies; where the swedish one got some things right, the american version got other things right. Lizbeth Salander, the eponymous girl with the dragon tattoo, has been portrayed by two different women and i must say that the swedish actress portrayed her more accurately than Rooney Mara, even though she is way hotter than Noomi Rapace. that being said, the novel so far seems to be in better sync with the american film more than the swedish film. Also Daniel craig is better as the main character than the dude in the swedish film, mostly because i have seen him in a few films already, the first being Road to Perdition, where he played a badass villian. The bottom line is, the book is very well written and translated and so far i am thinking it is better than either film is, though they are both really good movies.

The other thing i am to discuss is the novel i have been working on; this small piece will be shorter than my analysis of the girl with the dragon tattoo. the story i have been working on is a mixture of a lot of films and novels that i have read, but also very unique to myself. each character has something in common with myself, so there is a very personal relationship between myself and what i am writing. so far there are about 5 or 6 main characters in the story and they all have something in common with myself. this story is quite personal and addresses much my short comings, and therefore it is quite hard to write. all of the main characters have something in their past that haunts them and have driven them to substance abuse, mainly alcoholism. The story is name Anonymous, the meaning of which will be explained in the story. Before i start the spoiler alerts, i will paraphrase Stephen King: “It’s not the ending that matters, it’s the journey.” So, IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW THE OUTCOME OF MY STORY, OR POSSIBLE OUTCOME, DO NOT CONTINUE. The story is mostly a suspense novel; i see it as a combination of the movie Frailty, with a mixture of Fight Club. the twist ending is very well done, and i am quite sure this will be a story i may finish. so i say again, do NOT read unless you want to know my possible outcomes for the story. My plans for the novel are this, there are a few secondary characters that have something in common with the primary character in the story. there are no protagonist or antagonists, it is kind a revelation story, also like the movie, The Number 23. Each character has wronged the main character in some way and throughout the novel they are explained in detail. the main character (so far he has no name) is going through a psychological and emotional breakdown as well as having numerous substance abuse problems. when the story introduces him, it is during his intervention. his family is trying to get him straight and during the process, his blackouts are revealed and he comes to grip with a very disturbing truth. over the past few years he has been involved with a string of murders, he being the killer. it is revealed that he has a split personality disorder, as a way for him to deal with the guilt of killing men that have done something horrible to him in some way, shape, or form. over the past few years he has been living his life as these men at various points in time, even going so far to go to various AA meetings and using their names. The name of the novel is Anonymous because he re-met these men while going to AA meetings and shortly after each meeting quickly dispatched them. by the time he realizes what he has done, he has to deal with the fact that he is a psychotic murderer, something that he has kept under lock and key in his subconscious. the rest of the plot is still under way, but so far that is what i have come up with. to me this is a combination of every cinema twist ending, only i need to get it just right for it to be even more effective than the most mind-blowing of films. i want the revelation to be along the lines of Fight Club, but more along the dramatic lines of the Sixth Sense, and the better Shyamalan film Unbreakable. If you made it this far, i thank you and i hope that i write a novel that may live up to your expectations. in order to get to the finish i may need encouragement, so if you will, pester me about my progress so that i may keep it up, because i have a habit of procrastinating everything i do.

In an odd twist of fate, the men who brought us such great movies as Dumb and Dumber; Me, Myself, and Irene, There’s Something About Mary, Outside Providence, and Shallow Hal have done something extremely horrible and unforgivable. A movie is being made that will forever besmirch the name of the Howards: Moe, Curly, and Shemp. This also includes Larry Fine, among other stooges that joined soon after Curly passed on. For some reason the Farrelly Brothers are making a movie called The Three Stooges, based in current times (WTF?!) and actors portraying the stooges (Larry, Curly, and Moe) even though they were born 100+ years ago. This movie will include the entire cast of Jersey Shore and other “Famous” people. I have never been more disappointed in any film maker(s) up until this point, with the exception of Tim Burton. His movies have been horrible as of late and i can only assume they will get worse, but i digress. DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE, EVEN TO TAKE YOUR CHILDREN OR FRIENDS.

The show is starting to get awesome, finally getting into the same atmosphere as the comic books. Shane is getting really unhinged and almost tried to kill Rick tonight and also the Governor was cast for season 3, so we now know that season 3 will take place in the prison, so HOPEFULLY they leave the farm soon and will discover the prison near the end of the season. i also hope that Shane dies soon so it will be more like the comics, where he is already dead.

everytime i click on those pop-up ads, i feel like i am trying to disable a bomb like im jack bauer or something… not that i watch or have ever watched 24…

The PS Vita is amazing; the two games i have played so far are Ultimate Marvel Vs. Capcom 3 and Uncharted Golden Abyss. MVC3 plays very well, as most street fighter/MVC games have played for like the past 20 years. the graphics are almost exactly like they were on the Xbox 360 version, so that’s saying a lot as far as the PSV is concerned. Uncharted takes place before the first PS3 game, which is a plus because i havent played any of those. the whole game feels like an indiana jones movie, so i am going to think of this game as indiana jones 4, since there never was one. indiana jones 4 (lol) has amazing graphics and the controls are amazing, i love how the game uses both touchscreens whether you want to or not, because it is getting you used to using them for future awesome games. another cool thing about this game is that when you are shooting or taking pictures you use the console to move around and focus/aim, which is amazing. i wont give the console a rating out of 10 because it is too cliche and it reminds me of being in the hospital for some odd reason, but suffice it to say, i am glad i invested in this amazing device. 

Got my PS Vita today, it is amazing, i got Ultimate Marvel Vs.Capcom, which is awesome to play on it, and i also got Uncharted Golden Abyss, which is also very awesome

the only reason i have a facebook anymore is because it would be too much of a hassle to get rid of it

if you are going to name your son after something nerdy, name him Anakin, so that when kids pick on him for being named after star wars he can just say: “I was named after somebody that killed every kid that went to the same academy he did. if i were you i would try to be nice every once in a while…”